Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Top Secret!

Breaking news! Fresh from last night’s budget, I have managed to obtain a secret document outlining a new plan to give training to the spouses of all new army recruits. There are whispers that this training program is already in place and is being trialled on the spouses of recent recruits. Below is an excerpt from the document.

"A guide to becoming an army wife in 2014
  • As soon as your spouse has boarded the bus for Kapooka, you are no longer to refer to him as your husband/boyfriend/partner. You are now to call him ‘my recruit’ or ‘my soldier’.
  • Once your soldier has left, you are not to continue living your life as normal. You are now an army wife which means the independent individual with their own interests is gone and must put their life on hold until their soldier returns home.
  • The amount you miss and pine for your soldier is directly proportionate to how much you love him and how ‘close’ your relationship is. If you aren’t moping around the house and staying in bed all day, then you don’t love your soldier enough.
  • Use of social media is a must for the modern army wife. One must publish every waking thought, concern and complaint on as many social media platforms as possible. Correct spelling and or grammar are not necessary. The use of hashtags is imperative. Suggested hashtags are #armywife, #armylife and #ilovemysoldier.
  • While your soldier is at Kapooka, it is a good time to start working on your sense of entitlement.  Remember the 3 D’s – Demand! Demand! Demand!”
What did I just read?

Until next time.



  1. Did you ever see the episode David Attenborough did of the new found creature?

    It's was called the five minute spouse (FMS) a modern day monster.

    His detailed description went something like this.

    Part one

    A FMS soon discovers her Johnny is going to join the army. She quickly joins as many Facebook groups she can, this enabling her to find out all her entitlements long before Johnny has been issued his kit, shaved his head and is realising his new first name is recruit and will be showering without much modesty!

    Meanwhile poor little FMS has been inundated with information she cannot understand or make much sense of but keeps asking the lovely ladies she has met online, more and more questions. She is constantly reassured that as hard as it is while he is a basic training, she will get through it and will be back together before you know it hun and we're here for support. These wise words of wisdom come from the experienced spouses, the ones who went though the whole ordeal just last year and thought they would never survive the heartbreaking time apart and huge adjustment the army has enforced onto them. This is just day one of basic training how an earth is she going to survive the 3 months?!

    FMS is in desperate need of speaking to little Johnny, however he isn't able to speak on the phone because the army won't let him! She then pours her heart out on Facebook in the supportive groups who are there to help her through this very trying time and she tells them she isn't coping with Johnny being away and not contacting her daily. They reassurance is once again flooding in and they suggest to go and meet him at the Sunday church service or when he has a few hours off and can meet him in town!!! She snaps from her depression and self pity and asks how she goes about doing this brilliant idea!!

    FMS then makes the travel arrangements to Wagga Wagga which is in SW NSW and either a decent drive, country link train ride or rural plane trip each being an expensive mode of travel for maybe a whole hour with Johnny, while he's got a little downtime from his basic training which is full of long physical days that seem to all blur into one and still being called Recruit instead of his first name!! That is quickly dismissed by the FNS because she is seeing Johnny no matter what and doesn't care he might not actually want her to come and would like to be left to do his training with his new mates in his platoon who are all trying to adapt to becoming a soldier.

    Continued next episode

  2. Part two

    FMS happily updates her new supportive friends on Facebook how great it was to see Johnny on the weekend even if it was only for a short time! it was worth it and can't thank them enough for the advice and guidance getting her there!

    FMS is still struggling through her basic training period and would like some support on her day of self pity, so she makes a fatal Facebook update!!! The fatal update stated she is finding life so difficult and doesn't think she will survive the remaking 10 weeks of Johnny's basic training! The experienced spouses, you know the ones who went through it last year, and who have been there since the start of this journey, the whole two weeks, just keep telling her she will get through it and vent away it helps because we all know what she is going through!!!........fatal you ask?
    Yes fatal, the spouse who doesn't tolerate such self absorbing melodramatic bullshit has seen the post!!!

    FMS soon discovers the spouse who will tell her to grow up, harden up and not sugarcoat the realities of the newfound lifestyle she finds herself in and that the basic training IS NOT THE HARDEST PART!!! FMS is taken back and feels she is being bullied and there's no need to be so nasty. Others jump to FMS defence and soon 'old hands' come and see the fatal post and before you know it, it's a opinion slanging match!! Then the admin of the group steps in and reminds all involved that 'we're here to support each other and has deleted the post because it wasn't within the guidelines of OPSPEC and PACMAN which all spouses must adhere to'!

    FMS is so shattered by her experience she leaves the group because she can't handle the nasty army wives who gave her true facts, with personal experiences and not the make believe fairy tale she wanted to here!

    Then David said, the creature needs to be made extinct and exterminated before the FMS becomes a OSMW!!!!!

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