Breaking news! Fresh from last night’s budget, I have managed to obtain a secret document outlining a new plan to give training to the spouses of all new army recruits. There are whispers that this training program is already in place and is being trialled on the spouses of recent recruits. Below is an excerpt from the document.
"A guide to becoming an army wife in 2014
- As soon as your spouse has boarded the bus for Kapooka, you are no longer to refer to him as your husband/boyfriend/partner. You are now to call him ‘my recruit’ or ‘my soldier’.
- Once your soldier has left, you are not to continue living your life as normal. You are now an army wife which means the independent individual with their own interests is gone and must put their life on hold until their soldier returns home.
- The amount you miss and pine for your soldier is directly proportionate to how much you love him and how ‘close’ your relationship is. If you aren’t moping around the house and staying in bed all day, then you don’t love your soldier enough.
- Use of social media is a must for the modern army wife. One must publish every waking thought, concern and complaint on as many social media platforms as possible. Correct spelling and or grammar are not necessary. The use of hashtags is imperative. Suggested hashtags are #armywife, #armylife and #ilovemysoldier.
- While your soldier is at Kapooka, it is a good time to start working on your sense of entitlement. Remember the 3 D’s – Demand! Demand! Demand!”
|What did I just read?|
Until next time.